On loss and depression
The idea of loss, whenever I think of it, I always imagine losing a physical thing or someone. I have always had a problem with loss. It is always hard for me to get over it. It took me years to get over the loss of my grandma even though we weren't that close. I never really understood why until I realized that she symbolized safety, because when I was living in her house nothing bad ever happened. In my memory, her house was always sunny, inviting, and adventurous. There was always something inviting me to explore or interact. There was the big mirror with the old broken phone, where I had fictitious conversations; the wide windows where I waited for the return of my father from work and my sisters from school, and the kitchen with its service door that opened a whole new world of cats waiting to be fed. After we moved, things took a downturn, and even though I wasn't as close to my grandmother as my eldest sister, there was an invisible line connecting me to her. I often won
